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The excruciating truth about drummers, Brendon has decided, is that they are hot. Perhaps they don't mean to be, but shit happens, Brendon knows, and that's the way the cookie crumbles. Or something. Brendon's not the metaphor guy; that's what they have Ryan for.

Brendon is not sure if he would have noticed this unfortunate fact if Spencer hadn't hied off and fallen for Bob and concentrated all that inexcusable hotness in one boullion cube of utter guh, but he did, and there's no going back now. What's done is done.

Brendon doesn't think they're going to let him in on that action, so the only clear course to take is to find himself another drummer. He figures he has two choices: Butcher or Andy. Butcher is the logical choice, much more accessible, not in the fleet's flagship band.

Brendon has never really been good at making his life easy. That's just not in his stable of talents.

Also, Andy is his size and has tattoos that Brendon is quite intent on licking.

Butcher is just not meant to be. Someone else will have to capitalize upon his drumming hotness. Jon, perhaps. Or Ryan. He'll talk to them, see what they can work out.

It would help, Brendon thinks, if Andy didn't think of Brendon as a particularly fast-moving object of mirth. Brendon's going to have to see what he can do about that.

He tries slowing his movement down, but Andy just asks, "Hey, you feeling okay?" because Andy is solicitous like that. Brendon says, "Fine," and goes to bang his head against a wall in a room that Andy isn't in.

Then he tries bringing up the article he read on the melting of the polar ice caps, which actually was a totally awesome article, but ends with them both maudlin and Brendon very nearly a vegetarian.

He's about to try suggesting a day trip to the old-growth rain forest when they stop in Washington when Spencer says, "Bob says to tell you that sometimes the direct approach works best."

"Huh?" Brendon asks.

"With Andy."

"With Andy what?"

Spencer rolls his eyes. "Yeah, okay."

Brendon hates that Spencer gets to be hot while rolling his eyes. How the fuck is that fair?

Brendon invites Andy on his day-trip anyway. Brendon actually really does like big trees. They're the best kind to climb.

It's when he's up in one and looking down on thousands of years of vegetation and Andy that he shouts, "I'd sort of like to kiss you."

Andy says, "Well, okay, but you gotta come down, because I'm not crazy about heights."

Brendon scrambles down so fast it's really amazing he doesn't break something, but he's always been sort of lucky in that way. He says, "Really?"

Andy says, "I was starting to wonder if you were going to make me press the issue."

"Why didn't you?" Weeks of agony for nothing.

"Because lead singers are hot when they're desperate."

"So, once you've had me--"

"Oh, don't worry, I can keep you in that state just fine."

"Excellent," Brendon says, and pushes Andy against the tree.

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Skin by egelantier, photo by microbophile